I CAN MOONWALK!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
