im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just google imaged poop.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
