I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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