Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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