normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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