Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
