4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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