when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
