totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
