Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
