Apparently you make a good broom.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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