we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
