I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
