apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
