Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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