oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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