Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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