I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
