If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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