Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
