Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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