I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
nutella sex= disaster
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
