She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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