I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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