you would pick up someone in the library
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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