yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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