Pappa wants mamma naked
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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