i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
