i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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