Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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