I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
as a side note pls kill me
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize