dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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