its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
