when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
