when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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