I think my vagina is haunted
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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