You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
accomplished twins. life is a go
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize