he puts the penis in happiness.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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