the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
