Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just pee around me
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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