but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Dear god my vagina.
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