Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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