a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
