We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
MIDGETS
????
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
