The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
