Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize