I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dick very happy bro
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
