I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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