Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
