Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
