There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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