I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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