so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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