One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
