Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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