$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Mom said you looked used
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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