So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
