$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
