why didn't you poke me back
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
