HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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