I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We need a shit load of segways right now
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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