booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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