I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
