You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
