her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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