is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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