i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
