but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize