and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
