I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
